Sunday, June 10, 2007

Fresh Man

Worst day of my life.

I started my freshman year of Journalism at Empire State University the other day - keeping in mind that the term officially started a week ago. Maybe my lateness is a blessing in disguise given all the disappearances on campus lately, but - whatever.

My first class, Online Media and Publishing, went fairly smoothly, so I should've figured right then that luck was about to release me from its tenuous grasp.

In Foundations of Journalism, I made the mistake of sitting in a seat where the prof was able to point me out (out of a class of hundreds) and demand I answer some obscure question about journalistic integrity that I didn't know because I DIDN'T READ THE COURSE MATERIAL BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET THE COURSE READING LIST BECAUSE -

Okay, well, I've been really busy last week, what with, you know, playing photographer... for all the crimes. New York is... crimey. And it demands a photographer's eye.

Anyway, my prof bitched me out and made me leave class. There are plenty of people who'd love to be in my seat right now, she said, and I'm disrespecting not only her but everyone around me by being such an asshole. So, I packed up my stuff. And left. While everyone watched. In a huge lecture hall of about 300 students.

You know what would have been really awesome right then? Death.

I almost didn't want to go to my next class, but unless I wanted to major in Advanced Living In My Parents' Basement I knew I had to sit through at least one lecture today. And this I was dreading. Science credit, yawn. Superhuman Biology seemed like the less bang-my-head-on-my-desk option out of all the first year sciences, but... still, dudes. Biology.

Now, here's where things got just a tid strange. In my first two classes our profs did a little shpiel about the disappearances of students and gave - I assume administration-written - warnings to stay indoors after 7 pm, and not to traipse around campus like a fuckhead waiting to be kidnapped.

My superhuman biology prof?

Not a peep about it.

Somebody in the row behind me even brought up to our prof that there have been rumours that all the missing students have had some sort of low-level mutation. Professor Gein either didn't hear her or chose not to hear her, because the next thing out of his mouth was, "Turn to page 28. Today we're talking about basic energy manipulation."

His behaviour struck me as rather sad, actually. It almost seemed like a student he had taken a shine to was one of the missing persons - I suppose it was a sore subject. Poor guy.

Oh, my roommate ate all of my marshmallow fluff and my motor scooter died on me today. How the hell am I gonna get to work tomorrow? Fly?

God, Jim better vouch for me tomorrow if I'm late. He owes me*.

*not really


Jackie Rieken said...

You better watch it with that Professor Gein. He tried to make a pass at me when I took his class last year. He was always watching me. Totally creeped me out.

Matt R. said...

Oh man, Gein is such a prick anyway. He's an old family friend, although we've thankfully fallen out of touch with him of late. I've known him since I was about seven, and my first memory of him is seriously him kneeling down, looking me in the eye and asking me if I was a "guldurn retard."

Don't let the Journalism Prof get you down, man. She's pretty damn cool once you get past her tough exterior.

Jim Martin said...

So glad I'm not going to ESU right now. Going to be taking a tour of campus, soon, though. Hopefully by then this whole thing will be figured out.

Matt R. said...

I'm in the same boat as Jim, thank God.

My dad's a professor and knows most of the people there, though.